


Hiding in the fridge

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Mental Illness, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: This one was inspired by the scene when Arthur gets into the fridge. I always wondered what he was thinking about while being in it.Here is my interpretation from Arthurs point of view.
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/You
Kudos: 5





	Hiding in the fridge

Insomnia holds me tight with its cruel claws again. There is no way of finding some rest tonight. Oh, all I wanna do ist rest.  
Rest my eyes.  
Rest my mind.  
My heart.  
It would help to just be able to stop FEELING something right now.  
To be numb would be great. Just for a little while.  
All my life I thought my real dad left after he said he went out to get a pack of cigarettes. But then I found out that Wayne was my father. Penny wouldnt have told me if I hadnt read her letter. And even though I was hurt, I felt also very excited about going to meet him and telling him that I`m his son. I had at least the hope that he would give me a hug. This would have been enough to make up for all this shit. All these lies. But he didnt hugged me. He told me he was going to kill me, if I ever talk to my half brother again. My own dad wants me dead.  
Being dead would help with the insomnia.  
I stare at the ceiling. Letters are dancing in front of my eyes. I cant tell them apart. Its like they are about to form words but they don`t.  
I need to rest.  
I grab the bottle of my sleeping pills and take another two. I already took the ones I always take. Maybe it will help me to at least get this image of Thomas Wayne out of my mind. My nose still hurts from him punching me in the face. I touch my nose. Dry blood onmy fingers.  
I cant forget the look on his face in the mirror when I told him that my name is Arthur. He knew. He knew exactly who I was and he didnt wanted me. He left me for a second time.   
I would have been so happy to make my half brother smile with my magic tricks. But they won`t let me. I guess Bruce doesnt need me anyway. It looked like he gets all the love he deserves. All the love I never received. I was unworthy of.  
The letters on the ceiling get even more blurry now that the sleeping pills are kicking in. It doesnt matter anyway. I know they`re not really there. Its just my mind playing tricks on me again.  
I`m so tired but I can`t dooze off. I`m tired of being tired. Life is exhausting. Wishing to be loved is.  
I just want a hand to hold. 

The kitchen is dark. I don´t even know how I got here. I could swear I was lying on the couch a second ago. I`m leaning over, crying. But no tears as usual. If only there were tears!  
Images of Arkham state hospital appear in my mind.Sometimes I felt saver there, to be honest. The world wasn`t as scary as it is out on the streets or here in my apartment. The white room gave me some kind of comfort. It´s strange....People get locked up there for different reasons. I can`t even remember mine. I guess I banged my head against the wall to make the noises stop and I was bleeding so much that Penny called the doctors. But this could have been another dream. I am not sure.  
You could ask Penny but don`t expect her to tell you the truth. She never does.  
Arkham.  
Yeah i think about that white, little room as I walk up to the fridge, opening it, throwing all the stuff thats it in on the floor. The bread and all. I don`t eat anyway, right?  
I can hear a whimper.  
Was that me?  
Possible.  
Who cares anyway?  
I just want to get back.  
Feeling the comfort of the white room.  
The noises are much more quiet there.  
I like small spaces.  
Its like a womb, protecting you.  
A hug.  
There is only space for yourself.  
No one can hurt you in there.  
Expect yourself.  
I like that.  
If no one is there to hold your hand and warm your body at night, anyway...  
Why not crawl into a small space, feeling protected?  
I`m sobbing as I crawl into the fridge.  
Its cold. Not like a hug at all.  
But I hava a great imagination. I will make it warm.  
I take a deep breath after I closed the door from the inside.  
Its a good thing that I`m so thin .Makes it easier to make myself as small as possible. Maybe I can make myself so small until I disappear.   
Turns out I`m not disappearing. But the world outside this fridge does. Nothing on the outsidecan hurt me anymore.  
My only enemy in here are my own thoughts. Big surprise.  
But my thoughts keep drifting away, as soon as the cold starts to shut my body down. It takes a while but soon I am shaking, my feet feel kinda numb. But even the shaking will stop.  
I`m starting to feel dizzy. Could be the cold or the overdose of sleeping pills. Who knows?  
Should I even come out of this fridge again? Would someone miss me if I didnt? Wouldnt this be an original way to go?   
I`m giggeling at the thought that my mum would find my dead body in her fridge in the morning.  
Would she miss her happy, little boy?  
I`m not sure if my eyes are open or not. It`s dark in here. But it still helps to know that the room is white. Its still white, even if my eyes can`t see it.  
My own little Arkham. Right here at home.  
Maybe I should robb the bank Sophie works at and do some really fucked up stuff there, so they can lock me up again.  
Sophie.  
I imagin she is here with me right now. Maybe there IS space for another person in the fridge. We would keep each other warm. Just the two of us.   
That would be great.


End file.
